Archive for June, 2008
Ken Griffey is the first real legitimate player this century to join the 600 club. Sammy Sosa and Barry Bonds? Come on! They are a disgrace to the game and it is great to see a player such as Griffey reach this milestone in his career, cleanly. If it were not for all the seasons on the injured list, I bet Ken Jr. would be approaching the 700 mark, and giving that dump-truck Bonds a run for his money. Either way, kids should ignore players of the like of Sammy Sosa or Barry Bonds in the record books, they don’t deserve it. Players like Griffey deserve the records, video games, shoe endorsements, and the respect.
Here’s the only quality video I could find of the homer:
Once again, congrats to a great, respected baseball player.
After a weekend of watching the College World Series and several super regional games, there was one play during the Florida St. vs Wichita St. that reminded me of a very familiar play from 2003. This “foul ball poacher” has been blamed for the downfall of the Cubs in Game 6 versus the Marlins. How did fans react?
Although not on the MLB standing, we nearly saw this again this weekend. FSU pitcher Geoff Parker got Wichita batter Andy Dirks to pop up down the left field line with 2 outs, one runner on base. As third baseman Stuart Tapley went to make the routine catch, a FSU fan reached over the fence and nabbed the ball. The very next pitch Dirks went yard for a 2 run homer. Wichita managed to squeeze out 2 more runs that inning making the score 6 - 4. Florida State went on to win the game big time, but life could have been worse for the foul ball catcher had they lost.
Steve Bartman now resides in an undisclosed location in Northern Florida and is taunted to this day.
Truth be told, I hate Kobe Bryant. I hate his attitude, I hate his style, I hate his ego, I hate that he is actually a very good basketball player, I hate the lakers, I hate everything about him and his team and his success.
But, come on, this is gorgeous, acrobatic, and just devastating.
Ok, so we all know it is fake. It is scripted - albeit athletic and potentially dangerous - acting that is intended to look like a sport. However, something just strikes me as stupid about jumping into a ring with two guys who are easily 250+ lbs, 6′2″+, regardless of whether their fights are fake or not. Even if you do get on camera, everyone now knows that you are a douche.
Last week, I provided the world with what I deemed my first post college tour de force. “NASCAR 101: How to Mullet Hunt and Survive” was a 5 year documentary of my trials and tribulations as an enthusiast of the backyard follicle wonder. However, hundreds of people sent me links and youtube videos on hairstyles they considered more majestic than the mullets dawned by NASCAR fans . . . and I found myself heaven. Call me Nostradamus, because I am predicting the end of the American clean neck by year 2018. Dirty European Soccer Mullets: the future of American mullet tolerance.
First of all, I must rant about soccer and Europe, as well as explain my position with the mullet. I have never played soccer nor been to Europe. As a matter of fact, I have never traveled north of Virginia or west of Dollywood. This spring break, however, I did make my farthest trip away from home to New Orleans, only to return disappointed because hunting gators is apparently against federal law. My credibility in understanding the mullet lies in the fact that I sported one myself for 8 years.
Prior to college, I had an overwhelming distaste for the sport of soccer. I called it soccer, then know-it-all-McGee called it futbol, then his predecessor corrected him with football, then my Uncle PeeWee laid claim on American football, then the town drunk called it that “foot fairy game”, and then a foreign diplomat created the hybrid names of futball and footbol . . . it never ends. The sport seemed to be the bastard child of sports nomenclature. For now, all I ask is that someone provides me with an acceptable worldwide usage for the name of the sport. I took the time to learn the rules on FIFA 08, so please take the time to create a universal name.
Now for what you have all been waiting for, the Dirty European Soccer Mullets. Yes, the fashion declaration that spread to the eastern hemisphere by David Hasselhoff himself has now been intertwined in a sport. 
Whereas in NASCAR the mullets admire the clean-cut drivers, in soccer the clean cuts respect the mullets. Not respect . . . worship. Take for instance David Beckham of the LA Galaxy. Forbes estimated in 2007 that he netted upwards of $29.1 million, not including endorsements and bonuses. He is a prime example of the indifference of opinion between the American and Euro Mullet. In England, Beckham wore a modified mullet with pride. Many of his teammates and opponents (take for instance, Ronaldo) still wear a full-blown mullet with pride. Unfortunately, in America Beckham’s modi-mullet is no more. Mullets are respected and accepted in European soccer, giving true meaning to the words the “beautiful game”.
If Jimmy Johnson or Dale Jr. decided to rock a business in the front, party in the back lifestyle they would be slaughtered by the media. The only respect that Americans have for the mullet is the pleasure we get in making fun of its existence. As I said in my previous article:
ALWAYS respect the mullet. These men have spent the majority of their lives grooming and tailoring a business in the front, party in the back lifestyle. They are stronger individuals than you, and much more self confident in their appearance. If you can’t sport the hairdo, then respect the men that can.
The point of my argument is that in two different cultures, redneck southern America and European soccer fandom, we have the mullet in common. Only our two cultures can truly rock and respect the hairstyle simultaneously. In America, the mullet is often ridiculed and poked fun at as a sign of “trash” or lower class. In Europe, the elite shampoo their rear-neck riches in the overpowering awe of their followers. The dirty European soccer mullet is free to flap in the wind, to be the last thing an opponent sees as it speeds past, and to be petted by the beautiful women that these men date. The mullet in Europe has evolved into a symbol of wealth and fortune, while in America it has come to mean the polar opposite. The mullet is also making a strong appearance in South America, where the players deem is the “soccer rocker”.
If foreign trends continue, I am predicting a heavy surge of the popularity of soccer in America. And with this rise in soccer comes the dirty European soccer mullets. And with millions of children seeing their mullet-wearing soccer idols on TV, there will be a resurge of mullets in America. Unlike the Billy Ray Cyrus mullet craze, this one will be here to stay. Within 10 years, the mullet will be back and will be respected. If you are one of those people that show a lack of respect for the mullet, then you will not be allowed to rock it when it comes back. For mullet America: prepare yourself for glory because the sport that few Americans understand is bringing back the hair that defines your lifestyles.
Colby Almond
Chapel Hill, North Carolina
Every year, never seen on camera, is a very peculiar event. It has nothing to do with horse racing nor does it have anything to do with racing . . . at all. In the beer infested infield of college frat stars and girls halfway in their sun dresses is the running of the porta potties. Yes, drunken athletes bolt nearly 50 yards to glory as their comrades pelt them with bottles and cans. Does this sound like fun to you? Absolutely! While I find fun at NASCAR races by mullet hunting, I think I could find fun at horse racing by participating in this sport.
Sweet.